“You feed them.”

I recently had a mental freak out moment during the sermon. I read ahead a bit in the manuscript so I could take a break from listening in order to dump what was in my busy brain, freeing me up to focus on the rest of the message. Here’s just a sample of what I wrote in about 2 minutes:

“Feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it’s the extra coffee. But I want to reach the world for Jesus. I need to do wheel barrel exercises with Nathan to strengthen his hands. Memorize James. Wake up early to read and write. Read the Gospel Primer with the kids. Attend the missionary prayer services. Go move to a church plant? Sell the house and live in an RV? Use our resources and time and money for others. Counsel more. Spread the gospel. Write another book. Work on my MOPS speech. Motivate my kids to move forward with a purpose. What am I going to do about high school classes? Visit the sick in the hospital. Make meals for people. Gotta get the freezer fixed. Eat clean shakes and food. Exercise.”

We laughed about this with my family over lunch. Oh, my random brain! Then my brother reminded me of the story of Jesus and the hungry crowd.

The crowds of thousands surrounded Jesus. They were hungry. They were pressing in. What did Jesus tell his disciples to do?

“You give them something to eat.”

What do you think they probably did? One guy checked his bank account and pessimistically re-ran the budget numbers. Someone I’m sure was asking Siri where the nearest Walmart was. A few probably rolled their eyes or crossed their arms and stormed off. We do know that Andrew started looking around at the resources he currently had. It wasn’t much. Just a boy with a small brown bag lunch.

Jesus first asked them to feed the people.

That’s so often where I stop. I feel like God has placed the “five thousand” in front of me, be it in the form of responsibilities or the tasks that line my day. Sometimes the pressure of performing is so great it feels like a heavy storm that is rolling in.

“God, I want to serve you! But I can’t! I just can’t! There’s too much!”

I get distracted the by the endless to-do list. Good things. Important things. But sometimes, my eyes are wide and my hands are up and I’m asking, “But how, God?”

But the story doesn’t end there.

They go back to Jesus. They ask for His help. He of course has resources that are unlimited. He feeds everyone. And then he asks the disciples to collect the leftovers.

12 baskets.

1 for each of them.

A basket of food to remind them who is the One really supplying their needs.

So I go to Jesus. I say, “My ‘5000’ looks like this. I know I can’t do it on my own. I’m weak. So weak. But you can, Jesus. You can. So please, help me. Multiply my time. My creativity. My resources. My strengths. Help me in my failures, my falls. Please, I need you.”

“Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted.”

So I go to Jesus, give thanks, and then listen to his instructions.

I can’t. But He can.