If you were to say to me, “I’m sorry about your grandma,” then I’d reply, “Yes, I’m sorry too.” This just isn’t right.
I hope you don’t mind my transparency as I go through this grief process. I’ll try not to dwell too much, but writing is my way to express the emotions that get lodged inside.
At a counseling training meeting tonight, they mentioned that grief happens at various life intersections. So if you hardly saw your brother, you might miss him more at holidays and family events, when you’d normally see him. You might also grieve for the time you didn’t get to spend with him.
My greatest intersection with my grandma was on Sundays, my favorite day of the week. Worship with God, feasting on the Word, and lots of time with family all afternoon and evening. Now, the best day of the week is clouded by a mist of grief.
Will Sundays ever be fully joyful again? Will we ever sit at the dinner table and not see her empty chair? Will we ever gather in the hot tub and not remember her funny comments? Each time I’m at my parents, I’ll pass her house, and I’ll think of how I used to honk to say goodbye. I grieve for my parents and uncle, whose life intersections were a daily event.
I also miss her emails telling me what meat is on sale. I miss her funny Maxine forwards. I miss our phone calls. I miss talking about plants and gardening. I miss sitting outside on her porch as we look at her flowers. I’ll miss painting her garden gnome for her, or adding the eyes when the paint has faded. I miss her.
When we lost our baby through a miscarriage, I grieved for the loss of what could have been. When we lost our home, I grieved the future I’d planned there. But losing GG, I grieve for her, and who she was and our life together.
Death is a harsh but good reminder that this world is not our home. We are living for a heavenly kingdom, where every tear will be wiped away and grief will be no more. That’s the hope I cling to. I’ve been listening to Laura Story’s Song, Blessings.
“When darkness seems to win, We know the pain reminds this heart, That this is not, this is not our home… What if my greatest disappointments, Or the aching of this life, Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.”
God placed eternity into the hearts of men. We are looking for eternal satisfaction and friendship and love. And that is coming! It’s right around the corner! My grandma has already begun to taste the fullness of all that is in store for us.
As I look ahead to my reunion with joy between my family and GG, the other side of me grieves for my dear friends who are not trusting in Jesus.
Please, just ask God to show you His truth. Seek Him. Read His Word. Get to know Jesus. You may know about John 3:16, but what about all of these other verses? Just a few among many.
When my grandfather died, I wanted to be mad at the world. How unfair that such a wonderful man was taken from me (and not just me) on such a short notice. The night before he had his stroke, I dreamt that he explained to me that he had to die…chilling at first, but heart-warming afterwards for that is the last time “we spoke”. Over the years, I dealt with the sorrow and pain by writing down stories, memories, and lessons. I know he is better off now, but what about those he left behind? I am hoping that thru my story I will be able to share the great impact he had on my life…maybe you can use your gift of writing to share the love between you and your grandmother.
My prayers continue to be with you through this tough time…