How Living Present Failed Me

I sit at the dining room table, trying to enjoy the moment of having all four kids and my husband home for breakfast as we talk politics and plans. One daughter is getting married in January, another is graduating in the spring, the boys are growing so fast, and life as I now know it will never be the same. I try and hold onto the moment, living present, savoring it, but for some reason, the effort just fills me with a deep sadness that I have trouble understanding or putting words to.

I’m an enneagram 7, an ENFJ, and an eternal optimist who lives in the future and struggles to sit in the present or emotionally process the past. If 2020 has taught us (or beat us up) with anything, it’s that the future is as uncertain as a toddler’s mood after naptime, and it’s foolish to put our hopes in future things. I know that mentally, but I often don’t live it physically.

So I’ve been trying – for a couple years – to live in the present.

• Savor each moment.
• Enjoy where you are because it’s the only place that matters.
• Be present.

You know what I’ve learned from all this trying?

It’s a terrible mindset for me to have!

Seriously! It’s depressing. Trying to live in the moment has just over-emphasized how fleeting every special moment is. It’s like trying to grasp a hold of a sun beam or keeping alive the aroma of a grilled steak on a summer evening.

Are you loving this moment? How nice, but FLASH! It’s gone!

It’s hard to live in the moment and not for the moment.

We are a breathy-fog on a crisp autumn morning. A sunflower that droops and drops its seeds. A spark that jumps to the night sky and vanishes.

Poof. We’re here. Then we’re gone.

So I pray, “What is the point?” With Solomon, I search to comprehend the meaning of this pointless existence. Where is joy? Where is pleasure? Where is satisfaction?

And Jesus says, “It is in Me.”

Living for the past, present, or future isn’t where joy is. It’s in living for Him. A nice thought, but what does that look like?

PAST: Some of us love reminiscing about the past. Scrapbooks, old videos, favorite stories. We appreciate tradition and reliving favorite places. We love going to the same vacation spot year after year and enjoying that same ice cream shop.

This can be good and healthy. If this is you, thank you for helping us remember the faithfulness of God in our lives. Help us remember God’s goodness in our past so we can confidently walk into our futures without fear.

PRESENT: Others of us are great at living in the now. We can focus and hone-in on what is happening around us. We notice details and tones of voice, and when we are painting a wall, we can have joy in the moment, because it’s what we’ve been called to do in the present.

Thank you, present-thinkers, for helping us see the good in each day. You remind us that God is with us, now, in each moment. He’s holding our hands and sitting next to us as we laugh and mourn.

FUTURE: And others of us are future-minded. We see life as an endless path of potential joy and find just as much joy in the planning as in the execution. We have lived something fully before we even arrived at the door. While some see this as a negative, it can actually be a super-power – fully squeezing out every drop of life, even one that hasn’t been lived yet. Future types are often good at changing on a whim when expectations aren’t met because imagining what lies behind door number 2 is often more exciting than going through door number 1.

So to my fellow future thinkers, let’s remind our friends that the best is yet to come – not in this life, but in our eternity WITH Jesus, when tears are wiped away and all is made new.

Let’s live IN the present, and not FOR the present.

Sometimes, that means allowing myself to savor and delight in future thoughts – it’s how I’m created! I don’t need to fight against the desire to be excited about all the unknown potential in our vast existence. Creativity, Charm, Delight. All good things to savor and look forward to.

But I hold that excitement loosely, and I show my joy and delight to Jesus, and He smiles down and knows me – my heart – and how He created me to jump up and down and laugh and live lively.

He’ll be there also, holding my hand and guiding my steps, when that plan changes or shifts and we must – again – pivot and move.

Which are you? We were all created differently, and rather than striving to be what we aren’t, we can grow in who we are.

While it’s good for me to be learning to embrace all types of thinking, I’m going to stop fighting who I am. I’m going to enjoy these moments sitting around the dining room table, but rather than being sad that these moments are fading, I’ll allow myself to think optimistically about all the future potential that exists in our life and in this world. I won’t live “for” the future, but I’ll live with my sights set on the goodness of God – whatever comes our way.

He’s been with us in our past, He’s with us now, and He will be with us forever.

How about you? Do you tend to be a past, present, or future thinker? Have you fought against it? How can you use the way God has created you to be a gift to others?